Pull harder on the strings of your martyr!

You have been in places that most people doesn't recognize as belonging to their own World. You have been stuck on the Nigerian highway in a stranded van with just a bunch of armed and corruptible guards to look after you. You drove cars you had never driven before between walls of snow and ice, or during an halestorm. You have passed university exams in the most tiring and bad familiar conditions, without even a shelter in which recover. You tore a ligament twice, and still you can play soccer. You could explain what a blitz is to an NFL coach, you could teach forechecking to a Canadian, you could be the leading voice in a debate about offside in Italy. You have hundreds of articles behind you, you have collaborated with professionals when it wasn't even required, you don't fear to commit 100% to something and put everything else on hold, even the most important aspects.

You just don't feel like you need to be judged using an anonimous marking scheme.

You just realised the second question is too hard. You are sure it doesn't bode well for the rest of your exam. Your scarf strangles you, tightening your neck more and more. The clock is ticking, everything is falling into pieces, included your self inflicted hopes. They never understood you, they just think you are aiming too high, they don't care about your strange life, they are just waiting for your corpse to pass, heartbroken, in the river flowing at their safe feet. They are gonna win, you are going to lose. Maybe all you've got.

You met a lot of people along the way. You are 26, it's been already a month now. Everybody was amazed with how young you were and how determined you looked. These people admired you, and how did it hurt when people close to you weren't looking like that. You thought it was impossible that, just because you give your strength for granted, nobody cared about saying how proud they are of you. You can't wait to watch them from above, in your ivory tower, your own personal Babel where you are the king, where you can finally be free... Will you feel free, anyway? Or will you be surrounded by old ghosts of when your value wasn't displayed to all?

You take a look at question number 6. Ahahahha, how are you supposed to answer that? Do the fifth, it's convenient. You'll take a closer look later, that's all you can do. Meanwhile, you go over the other questions, finding a way to respond to all of them. 25 minutes left. Now you think it is too much.

You recall one year ago. Stretched onto an office chair, filling sheets without a straightforward aim. Waiting for the next aircraft to take you out of that maze. 1 day in Paris, 10 days in the Netherlands, off to Sicily and back to Rotterdam in no time. Money stacking on your multiple bank accounts, without translating into really satisfying outcome. That girl who doesn't even want to hear your name anymore, another one who does not realize how torn you are.
A situation to never repeat, that eventually got even worse. By signing those papers you sign a deal which will keep you attached to your addictions like in a web where a wire is cut and a new one grabs you with both hands. And you have to fullfil them, never let go, because everybody expects you to achieve your goals. Anyway, not to disappoint you, but nobody will care even after that.

5 minutes left. You have answered all the questions, in the end. It wasn't that difficult, even if you still have doubts about the final results. You are going to burn the booklet as soon as you got home.

Face it, you are a nice guy, but you are depressed. There will always be another exam, there will always be another task to succesfully complete in order for you to be just Ok and for the others to have enough weapons to kill your self-esteem. You think it is fine if you fail, that you have been through a lot in your life which would justify the fact that, for once, you fell heavily to the ground. You found your shelter, you can have your own failure and live with it, alone. You'll be alone in every case, you know it.

But before that, think about when you were facing the Suez canal, or the immense snow valley in Rugen, or when they said there was no place for you in that field you so hardly fancy. Focus on the extreme cowardice and falsity you saw in her eyes that day of September where you found out, not recognizing it, that sooner or later even you are gonna bend like all of us.

You can have two more minutes to go over what you have written on that damned exam paper, but the guy is pressing you: “Are you done? Can I take it?”. Since you don't handle pressure, snatch the border, bend it and hand off your exam. As they have been saying since the first moment you got here, 'you'll be fine'.

Try to explain them it's not quite like that, I dare you!